Mockingbird
by DarkStarDrusilla
Summary: songfic. "Mockingbird" by Eminem.rated for mild language. my thoughts on what could have happened after the final battle in Angel. Spike thinks about the various things going on...please R&R!


**A/N: hey all! i came up with this songfic cuz i really like this song, i dont know why, i just do. its "Mockingbird" by Eminem. it mostly focuses on Spike. this takes place after the final battle in Angel. **

**Diclaimer: i dont own the song or anything like that. i also used the names of Eminem's real daughter and niece. dont bother suing, if i dont have enough money to go shopping at least once every couple months i really dont have the money to pay you.**

**Mockingbird**

Spike sat in his ratty old armchair from his old crypt. He had survived the final battle in L.A. and had met up with Buffy in Chicago. They had eventually picked up right where they left off and a couple of years later Buffy gave birth to their first child, Hailie. Dawn and Rj had also gotten together. They too, eventually had a daughter themselves, Laney. The Powers that Be had rewarded Spike for his deeds by making him human. Things had gone downhill from there. Because of his humanity, Spike now needed to find a job. The problem was that he seemed to go through them faster than a cheetah chases its prey.

_Yeah  
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now  
But hey, what daddy always tell you?  
Straighten up little soldier  
Stiffen up that upper lip  
What you crying about?  
You got me_

Then there was the matter of Buffy herself. Chicago didn't have as many evil things going on as in Sunnydale; well not demonically evil anyway. She had herself tried to find work but due to her strength, having not exactly been in all of her classes in high school/college, and her low tolerance level she didn't have too much luck. After Hailie was born, she decided to just stay at home and quit trying altogether. Because of his many jobs, Spike rarely got to see them.

_Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad  
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had  
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh  
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry  
Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?  
Daddy's with you in your prayers  
No more crying, wipe them tears  
Daddy's here, no more nightmares  
_

He could see that Hailie missed him. It killed him inside every time he saw her face before he left for yet another job. He could tell she was sad every time he left which was often. Buffy seemed to get more and more distant with each passing day. He began to remember the times when he had come home to find her crying, curled up under her blankets. He had comforted her to sleep, kept her safe from whatever seemed to scare her in her dreams.

_We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it  
Laney uncles crazy, aint he?  
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it  
We're all we got in this world  
When it spins, when it swirls  
When it whirls, when it twirls  
Two little beautiful girls  
_

It wasn't long after that Dawn and Rj had been killed. They had gone out shopping for Christmas (Spike and Buffy watched Laney) when the store got held up. Dawn tried to help the store manager while Rj had started sneaking people out the back. Unfortunately, they had gotten caught and as punishment were shot in the head. Laney went to live with her cousin. Now, they acted as though they had always lived together and that Spike and Buffy had always been both their parents.

_Lookin' puzzled, in a daze  
I know it's confusing you  
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news  
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems  
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me  
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see  
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did  
_

He had seen a good many things in both his life and unlife he had no intention of having them see. It seemed that they were still seeing things anyway. Buffy had done something that was both her duty and horrible. She had been hunted down and was going to go on trial for the murder of the ex-mayor of Sunnydale. It seemed irrelevant to the judicial system that the mayor was larger than the local high school and also happened to be a snake at the time. Because of the strange circumstances and the elusiveness of an explanation why a little California town suddenly disappeared off the map plus the fact that the mayor himself had disappeared and was presumed dead not that long before the destruction of the town, had interested the media beyond the usual court case.

_We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me  
But things have gotten so bad between us  
I don't see us ever being together ever again  
Like we used to be when we was teenagers  
But then of course everything always happens for a reason  
I guess it was never meant to be  
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is  
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep  
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream  
_

He and Buffy didn't get along too well after she first got arrested. There had been fights and shouting matches; an example of the things he didn't want for the kids. Maybe they just weren't meant to be...

_Now hush little baby, don't you cry  
Everything's gonna be alright  
Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, i told ya  
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night  
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why  
We feel how we feel inside  
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby  
But i promise momma's gon' be alright_

He thought about the many times he had picked up Hailie when she was little and just held her in his arms. She was so sweet and innocent. She just stared up at him with those beautiful eyes of hers.

_It's funny  
I remember back one year when daddy had no money  
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up  
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me  
Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em  
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying  
Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job  
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom  
_

He felt a pang of guilt as memories of times past hit him full on. He remembered times when he didn't have the money for anything but food and some necessities. It was hard explaining to the girls that they didn't have the money for food let alone gifts on their birthdays and holidays.

_And at the time every house that we lived in  
Either kept getting broke into and robbed  
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar  
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college  
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it  
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart  
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart_

He remembered the rough neighborhoods they had lived in. Buffy wouldn't even let the kids out of the house without at least one of them with them. He began to remember things he wished for so long he never had to experience. All the violence, blood, death, and disappointment began to weigh him down with the emotions they brought with them. He never wanted that for anyone, let alone the girls.

_Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back  
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment  
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara  
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre  
And flew you and momma out to see me  
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me  
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it  
And you and Laney were to young to understand it  
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit  
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it  
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand_

Buffy and him had argued alot over the years, both before and after they had Hailie. There had been a good many times that things had gotten so bad that Buffy either threw him out or she moved out. He ended up in California after one of these times when she would throw him out. He met a few people while he was there before she called him and made up. He brought them all out to L.A., but he was so busy with the various jobs he had there he didn't have the time to spend with his family. Then he had had a brief rise to the top of the charts. One of his jobs had been working with this band called Ghost of the Robot. His brief rise to fame had landed him on TV. Buffy wasn't happy in the least; not a week after his premeire concert she started going to some of the local bars and getting as wasted as she possible.

_Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud  
Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing  
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out  
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now  
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here  
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here  
I like the sound of that, yeah  
It's got a ring to it don't it?  
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment..._

He held his head in his hands. All he wanted to do was give them the life he never got to have, make them happy. He stared around at the empty apartment. The only light came from the projector reel he had rolling. As he went through the many pictures and home movies, his thoughts returned to all the times he had shared with Buffy and the kids. He couldn't believe how much Laney and Hailie acted like sisters. Now that he thought about it, they pretty much were, ever since they were little...

_Now hush little baby, don't you cry  
Everything's gonna be alright  
Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, i told ya  
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night  
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why  
We feel how we feel inside  
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby  
But i promise momma's gon' be alright _

He could just picture them, dancing around their living room in Chicago, singing along to some music, having food fights with their mother, playing out in the backyard in L.A., and attempting to bake a cake for Mother's Day.

_And if you ask me too  
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird  
I'mma give you the world  
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you  
I'mma sing for you  
I'll do anything for you to see you smile  
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine  
I'mma break that birdies neck  
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya  
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)_

He thought of the times when someone had dared say anything about his two beautiful girls. He had knocked them out so fast they didn't even know what hit them. No one messes with him or his family.


End file.
